Saturday, August 31, 2013

Eye, see.

I see my problem now. I keep seeing things from what I think are other people's point of view in attempting to somewhat 'die to self' (meaning diminishing the self entirely and live for others) and I realize now that I can't or rather don't see things in my own point of view, or maybe didn't really know how and relied on others to reflect to me on something, like mirrors. Now, always having so many views on a single topic to the point of becoming neutral is beginning to bug me and I feel unsettled.

It's not a bad thing but it's unhealthy if it affects me to the point of being unable to do anything or function. I used to think it was okay, that it was my purpose for being here: to help others and to think of others. It used to be fine as well but when I started questioning existence in general the whole quest for knowing began and everything just wasn't the same anymore.

I've learnt that I didn't have a strong sense of self and that I didn't know who I was. I started from scratch. I've learnt that I didn't really see the world for what it was and I had a filter based on what I was taught and told. I tried to put aside the filter or filters and see things objectively, as a plain human being. I'm still trying to do this today. It's not easy but if I want to find myself as a person I gotta refresh my entire self to do it. It's an ongoing process but I think it's necessary, as uncomfortable as it may be sometimes.

Now I know for sure that certain things about myself have not changed, both before my existential crisis and now still (I think? I'm beginning to think these things go on unanswered for life for most people, it's a matter of acceptance) and that these are true traits of myself and not because someone or something told me so. I don't know if anything has changed, so far. I don't know if there's more to this. I'm still figuring myself out, but at least now I'm putting more effort in myself and less in trying to do too much for others without knowing why or if I want to in the first place.

I read somewhere a quote about making a change in yourself before making a change in the world, and I hope I'm going about doing the right thing in this sense.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Wall of attitude and road of glass

It's very easy to slip into the spot where you find yourself facing a wall, pushing it as hard as you can and not aware that there are other ways.

It just takes a glance around to realize that there are other solutions and other ways of seeing the same problem or journey but for some of us that idea just doesn't hit home, and we rely on others or experience to show and tell.

You could find yourself finding solutions or drawing energy from observing a stranger who is facing a completely different walk of life, just by tweaking the way you see things. Say the stranger is walking on a path full of broken glass strewn about but doesn't complain and keeps moving forward, and keeps finding ways to adapt.

You have a harmless wall. Climb it lah. Go around it, under it. It could be a never-ending wall but that's your battle and your journey to deal with. Yeah it's a different challenge and a different type of pain but sometimes the attitude is important in dealing with a problem. Everyone has problems, life WILL give you problems so work it and work around it or through it, as long as you keep growing and learning, and doing.

It's also okay to know when to stop and rest, and to enter the fighting ring when you're ready again. Just be aware that sometimes you won't be ready and you will have to anyway. And that's when your attitude and spirit counts the most.

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Connected dots

It's so unsettling that us people are both so connected and so alone at the same time.

How are you?

Monday, August 19, 2013

Wisdom, compassion, and courage are the three universally recognized moral qualities of men. Confucius“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.” 
― Dalai Lama XIVThe Art of Happiness"It is lack of love for ourselves that inhibits our compassion toward others. If we make friends with ourselves, then there is no obstacle to opening our hearts and minds to others." -Dalai Lama"Compassion is not just feeling with someone, but seeking to change the situation. Frequently people think compassion and love are merely sentimental. No! They are very demanding. If you are going to be compassionate, be prepared for action!"
Desmond Tutu
Frederick BuechnerCompassion is sometimes the fatal capacity for feeling what it is like to live inside somebody else's skin. It is the knowledge that there can never really be any peace and joy for me until there is peace and joy finally for you too.” Frederick Buechner quotes (American Author, b.1926)“Self-absorption in all its forms kills empathy, let alone compassion. When we focus on ourselves, our world contracts as our problems and preoccupations loom large. But when we focus on others, our world expands. Our own problems drift to the periphery of the mind and so seem smaller, and we increase our capacity for connection - or compassionate action.” 
― Daniel GolemanSocial Intelligence: The New Science of Human RelationshipsHugh Blair
Compassion is an emotion of which we ought never to be ashamed. Graceful, particularly in youth, is the tear of sympathy, and the heart that melts at the tale of woe. We should not permit ease and indulgence to contract our affections, and wrap us up in a selfish enjoyment; but we should accustom ourselves to think of the distresses of human, life, of the solitary cottage; the dying parent, and the weeping orphan. Nor ought we ever to sport with pain and distress in any of our amusements, or treat even the meanest insect with wanton cruelty. Hugh BlairPema Chödrön
“Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It's a relationship between equals. Only when we know our own darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others. Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity.” - Pema Chödrön

Sogyal Rinpoche
...when we finally know we are dying, and all other sentient beings are dying with us, we start to have a burning, almost heartbreaking sense of the fragility and preciousness of each moment and each being, and from this can grow a deep, clear, limitless compassion for all beings.  Sogyal Rinpoche